How To Post a Perfect Profile on an Admitted Students Facebook Page
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It’s that time of year again. Just when senioritis has hit an all time high (like sweatpants, halitosis level state of uncaring), seniors must turn the tables and dress to impress their friends-to-be on social media.
Whether you’re searching for a study buddy at Berkeley or becoming bros with all the surfer dudes at Santa Barbara, you need to display your best self on the admitted students pages.
How might you do that, you ask?
Here are some pro tips for how to post a stellar profile that will wow all your fellow admittees:
If you are not mentioning your undying love for dogs, you’re doing something wrong.
There isn’t a living soul who doesn’t appreciate some good ol’ puppy love and proclaiming your love for our furry friends will automatically prove that your heart is indeed not three sizes too small.
Boast your SoCal charm.
Hey, West Coast, Best Coast—if “hella” is not in your vocabulary or if you haven’t thoroughly described your extent of veganism, you need to fix that hella fast! Midwesterners, Southerners, and Easterners with be impressed by your elevated diction and your treasure trove of kale chip recipes.
Use acronyms and abbreviations whenever remotely possible.
Srsly imprtnt if u want 2 look cool af. When people don’t understand what you are saying they automatically assume that you are superior to them. Obviously you should have the typical smh’s and imo’s and lol’s and lmfao’s, but spice it up with a few fjudt’s* or maybe even a deky* if you’re feeling adventurous.
*Did you feel inferior while reading those? Come on, obviously fjudt=first just understand dis tho and deky=don’t even know yuck! If you didn’t get that, you obviously are lacking swag and an active imagination.
Don’t be afraid to exaggerate your hobbies.
College admissions are nothing but quirk wars nowadays. If your quirky wit is not displayed to its fullest extent people may start to unfriend you. If your brow is dampening because you can’t think of anything remotely quirky enough, here is a prime (and real) example for you to peruse:
“Hobbies: Working at my self-funded charity (Meals of Seals) that provides 3-course dinners to finless Orca whales. Being Tom Hank’s son. Solving the world’s energy crisis by harnessing the power of unrequited love. Teaching the Three Blind Mice braille.”
Yeah, that’s fabulous and there’s no denying it. Who wouldn’t be impressed?
Hate on country music.
It’s important to find a common ground with the rest of the frosh-to-be, and let’s face it, the country haters are pretty easy to find. Be sure to follow up by listing the most Indie, obscure artists you heard that one time on Spotify.
Now you should be fully prepared to wow your fellow admittees! You are just five steps away from being the coolest kid on the block. You’re welcome.