Skier vs. Snowboarder – Dec. 2012

Seniors skier Scott Lindquist (left) and snowboarder Daniel Kim dodge snowballs and speed down slippery slopes in the holiday edition of Surfer vs Skater.

By Lily LeaVesseur, Business Manager/CAF Editor

Who delivers the mailman’s mail?
Snowboarder: Being a mailman is a life of loneliness where he basically lives by himself. He delivers his mail to himself by himself.
Skier: Nobody delivers the mailman’s mail. Mailmen touch enough envelopes. They do everything electronically now.

Snowboarder, that’s an interesting observation. Maybe the use of “mail” in a mailman’s name completely cancels out his need for mail, as well as love and affection. However, I feel as though you are misinformed. Let me tell you a little story from my youth that you might be able to learn from. As a youngin, I always thought that teachers lived in their classrooms and never went home to a real home, and that cashiers slept on their cash register conveyor belts under tiny little blankets. As you might know, this is false. As is everything you’ve ever known about mail carriers. I would know, I am very close to our mail man. Sometimes I see him putting mail in our box! Minus 5 points for making assumptions.
Skier, you must spend too much time with Snowboarder. Mailmen are real people! They have friends probably, who write them letters and send them presents! They also receive fun stuff like coupons for facials and pool services. However, you do make an interesting point about electronic mail (also known as E-MAIL) causing post offices to die out. That’s what you said, right? Anyways, by the time you’re all old you’ll be holographs or something! Science! Plus ten points for making me think about society and feel smart.

Why isn’t a snow cone made of snow?
Snowboarder: Well that question’s just wrong. A snow cone is made out of snow. Snow is water. Snow cones are made up of ice. Ice is water.
Skier: A snow cone could be made out of snow. I’ve made one before, it was for my friend. And it was also lemon flavor, but he didn’t really like it.

Snowboarder, don’t question my question! That’s almost as bad as answering a question with a question. And as many times as I try I reread it I can’t figure out your little science lesson. I’d need a flow chart or something. You definitely aren’t on track to a career as a science teacher. I’m glad I helped you discover that. I should be a career counselor. Plus 20 points for making me realize that while you obviously won’t become an MIT professor, I am capable of anything!
Skier, I feel that you are making some veiled reference to the pee-nomenon that is yellow snow. I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but consumption of urine is probably dangerous. You aren’t a true friend! Except in kindergarten I heard this story about a man who was allergic to everything except for tree leaves and urine. And he survived! The moral of the story is I had a very distorted view of the world as a child. If I was writing this in kindergarten I’d probably give you points because I didn’t know what was up or down (I still have trouble telling left from right when I’m driving), but since I am now a responsible young adult, I will give you minus 30 points in the hopes that you learn a valuable lesson.

Snowboarder: 15 points
Skier: -20 points
Yay Snowboarder! You win nothing.