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The “uNIQUE” bABY nAme epidemic

Photo Courtesy of Lila Schief

Photo Courtesy of Lila Schief

Photo Courtesy of Lila Schief

The “uNIQUE” bABY nAme epidemic

October 23, 2019

Here’s my advice to future parents:

Although I’m not in the market for baby names quite yet, I am an avid user of nameberry.com, and I recently came upon an incredible feature: the “randomized baby name generator”. 

It provided me with some truly sickening options… 

  1. God’iss (Why?)
  2. Egidiusz (What?)
  3. Brom (Broom?)
  4. Rubix (Like the cube?)
  5. Elizabete (Are you sure?)
  6. Antã³nio (Is this real?)
  7. Masaiah (A great start to a raging superiority complex!)

 

Of course, weird baby names aren’t a recent phenomenon. In the 1970s, the name “Candida” spiked in popularity. Frank Zappa named his daughter “Moon Unit”. There’s at least one kid named “Number 16 Bus Shelter” in New Zealand (according to government records).

It does seem, however, that baby names have grown more horrific with time. I can’t help but wonder: what will a future full of Gen-Z parented children look like? What names will dominate future class rosters? Thotiana? Ke$ha? ASMR? Who knows! My hope is that we venture away from intentional misspellings… they’re sloppy! If you genuinely want to come up with a creative name, you have to fully commit. Try “Armpit” or “Omelette” or just “$”. Your kid might be the only “Immylia” in her class, but there’s no saying there won’t be an “Ameelia” and an “Emmyliya” sitting right next to her. It’s time to think outside the box.

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