The secret superiority of the platypus
March 30, 2023
We all know the story of the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny goes around each year and hides eggs around the houses of boys and girls all across the country. I mean it’s a little odd, but most people don’t seem to have a problem with this holiday. The question is: why a bunny?
First off, there are some obvious flaws to this choice of animal. So obvious, it’s a wonder no one has called them out before. Major problem number one: the eggs. How did the bunny get the eggs in the first place? To me, there’s only one possible explanation: the Easter Bunny stole the eggs. Picture all of those sad mother hens when they realize their babies are gone. Now look at who’s to blame. Who knew the bunny could be capable of such cruelty? Maybe this animal could have worked in the past, but it’s the 21st century. C’mon people! Open your eyes. It’s time for change.
And so I present to you – drum roll please; the Easter Platypus! Yeah, yeah, I know. Easter platypus? What? It sounds skeptical, at first. But if America can believe in the freaking Easter Bunny, then they can handle the Easter Platypus (which has way more logic by the way). Here, let me prove it to you (oh yeah, I did my research):
1. Platypuses lay eggs
Yeah, I know, this is a pretty big one. Unlike the Easter Bunny, the platypus doesn’t have to go into “burglar mode” and steal a bunch of eggs from those poor mother hens. They are one of five mammal species who can lay their eggs, which to me seems pretty important. The other monotremes (mammals who lay eggs) are all some version of an echidna, also known as the “spiny anteater”, which are still cool creatures but not as cool as the platypus. I don’t know why we don’t give them enough credit for this.
2. Bunnies aren’t technically associated with Easter
Bunnies and rabbits are associated with spring. When people think of spring, they think of flowers and rain and pastel colors and baby animals and rabbits. Ok. We hear you. It’s just…the origins of Easter stem from Christianity, not spring. So really, there’s no reason why this creature should stay. Even though platypuses aren’t related to Christianity either, they clearly have more reason to be a part of Easter over rabbits.
3. People used to eat rabbits
This is one of those weird American moments. In the olden times when America was new, people would eat rabbits, which wasn’t uncommon for the time. That’s not the weird part (except it kinda is). The really weird part is that Americans can celebrate the Easter Bunny, go along with the holiday, and then sit down to a feast of, you guessed it, rabbit. How hypocritical and completely American of us! Now before you say well people in New Zealand probably eat platypus all the time, know this: platypuses are venomous and therefore should definitely NOT be eaten by humans.
4. Platypuses don’t get the recognition they deserve
Yeah, yeah, bunnies are cute and all. But so many people in the United States already have them as pets. Actually, there are over 3,000,000 pet rabbits in the U.S. Platypuses, on the other hand, can’t be owned as pets, so why don’t we give them more recognition? If we can’t love them in our own homes, at least let them shine as the mascot of a holiday. Plus, the platypus, besides being a monotreme (mammal that lays eggs), uses electroreception to find food, and glows blueish green under UV lights (why people put them under UV lights, I don’t know, but it’s still cool). Betcha didn’t know that before.
5. Platypuses are at risk of extinction
Though it isn’t common knowledge, platypuses are facing a silent extinction. The platypus has become increasingly endangered due to bushfires, drought, deforestation, and the overall change in environment. While some of these changes are natural, others have been caused by humans and climate change. Did you hear me? I said HUMANS. That means YOU. So get your head out of the gutter and start helping save these platypuses! A great first step is electing them as Easter Platypus. The more recognition, the better. Toss those Easter Bunny ears in the trash and get yourself an Easter Platypus bill! (I’m sorry, I couldn’t think of anything better than the bill).