The White House
Presidential Elections 2020: Celebrity Edition!
January 17, 2018
Aren’t politics boring? All those big words and complicated policies are such a yawn… well not anymore! Introducing the Presidential Election 2020: Celebrity Edition!
Half of the country was in shock when Donald Trump, former reality TV star, was elected president last November. Now, he’s opened up a whole new world, one in which celebrities make excellent presidential candidates. It took a self-proclaimed “very stable genius” to make it this far in the competition, and in 2020 only the best will make it to the final round.
The audition season has already begun, and some promising contestants have risen to the surface.
Oprah Winfrey’s campaign recently experienced a spike in popularity after her empowering and tear-jerking speech at the Golden Globes. Very presidential. In her official candidate statement, she implied the possible implementation of an anarcho-communist regime, stating, “You get a loaf of bread! You get a loaf of bread! Everyone gets a loaf of bread! I love bread!” As our current top-runner, she has been awarded immunity this week.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson announced his 2020 presidential campaign last May alongside running-mate Tom Hanks on the popular news/entertainment TV show SNL. With the recent success of “Jumanji” and Tom Hanks quality of being “universally loved,” this duo shows real promise.
Kanye West has also expressed desire in running. He is currently polling extremely well among white males 18-25 with five or more tattoos. However, there appears to be serious hesitation among females who habitually watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Studies have shown they fear that if West wins, Kris Jenner will take over as Commander-in-Chief, similar to how she took over the Kardashian Klan.
Mark Zuckerberg, although busy with some little social media company of his, is one of our top contestants. He thinks he may be able to multitask by integrating Facebook into the federal government.
Donald Trump will also be invited back as this season’s incumbent to defend his title. Although “The Celebrity Apprentice” has been taken over by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Trump has been able to maintain some of his fame with his current position.
Along with the usual networks, like Fox and CNN, E! and Bravo will also be picking up the broadcast of the 2020 debates and election updates.
Text 1(800)555-5555 to cast your votes. Remember America- the choice is yours!
*In the interest of qualifying for the “Fake News Awards” tonight, hosted by President Trump himself, we must disclose that “Presidential Election 2020: Celebrity Edition” is not yet in production.*