Surfer vs. Skater – Nov. 2014

Junior skater Nate Stewart and sophomore surfer Trevor Anderberg try to win at life, love, and other lame things.

Story by Dylan Hendrickson, CAF Editor

A stitch in time saves nine what?
Skater: Kickflips
Surfer: Waves.

Skater, besides how stereotypical that answer was, how would you save kickflips? Are they locked in a prison tower far away, with no bearings of where they are? Are they shackled to the bottom of the sea, grazed by manta rays and skates? Are they locked in a room but alas! given no board? What are you doing here, Skater? Stop worrying about points and go save it/him/her/ze/co! (covering my tracks here).
Okay is he gone? Tell him he lost 24 points for falling perfectly into my trap. (Maniacal laugh)
Surfer, I understand that you meant to say “waves” as in the colloquial gesture directed towards familiar persons, but I just realized that waves are also the things the ocean makes! And you’re a surfer! You’re so punny! 50 points for being the next Walt Whitman or whatever those word people are called.

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel around his waist when he never had pants in the first place?
Skater: So he dries off.
Surfer: He wears a towels because people wear towels when they come out of the shower.

Skater, what confuses me is why ducks have to dry themselves off. They’re made for swimming in the water roughly 22.5/7 (including time spent free loading the flamingo pond at the zoo and disappointing anti-figuratively [you really can’t use literally anymore] everyone there) yet for some reason they need a towel to dry themselves. I’m no duck expert, but if ducks have to dry themselves off every time, that implies they’ll get, like, hypothermia or something if they don’t (thanks Boy Scouts!), which is both sad and untrue. Minus 80 for hurting my achy drakey heart.
Surfer, let me ask you this: do you wear a towel when you come right out the shower? And don’t say “eww don’t think of me naked” because I take that advice for public speaking to heart. It makes me a stronger person. Anyway, the answer should be “no” because you don’t take the towel into the shower, for obvious reasons. I mean, if you do, no offense, but you’re kind of dumb. Not dumb, but more…behind? Uhh…oh no…here take 10 points and leave me be, you weirdo shower-towelers.

Surfer: 50 points
Skater: -104 points
Weirdos: 10 points
Congrats Surfer! You win nothing.